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The journey is not measured by where we end up...
but by how far we've traveled.

The following includes a continuation of my WLS Journal as well as my PS Journal. This page includes journal entries from 8/27/04 to the current time. This also includes the story of my battles with my insurance company to cover medically necessary reconstructive plastic surgery to remove the amazing amount of excess skin that I was left with after losing 225 lbs.

The following reconstructive surgeries are what I've had and when. All but the mammaplasty and brachioplasty and the back of my lower body lift were covered by my insurance. So far I've paid a total of $12,000 out of pocket:

Belt Lipectomy (similar to LBL) & Mastopexy 1/17/05
Mammaplasty & Extended Brachioplasty 2/12/05
Circumferential Thighplasty, Vertical Thigh Reduction & Buttock Lift 4/21/05
2nd Thighplasty to remove more of the remaining skin especially around knees and hips and a few needed revisions - was scheduled for 10-05, but is indefinately put on hold due to ongoing pain from prior reconstructive surgeries and my wanting to have a child.

For photos referred to in my PS Journal, please visit http://picturetrail.com/carolineam. The password to all the protected albums is ps . Some of the photos in the My Reconstructive Journey albums are of a very graphic nature (including photos of incisions, drains, excised skin, etc.).  Please open them with care. I have decided to share these photos so that others going through a similar experience may know what to expect. Similarly, I share them so that it can be better understood what is meant by reconstructive plastic surgery as opposed to cosmetic plastic surgery.

~~~~~~8/27/04 Friday, 10:45 pm - Weight 157 lbs (-210 lbs)
Gosh, it feels like so much has gone on since my last update. Alan and I
survived the anniversary of Joe's being killed, and we are still taking
baby steps towards our eventual move to PA. It feels like we will never
make it there and I am still feeling overwhelmed by it all not knowing
my a^^ from my elbow in terms of dealing with estates, construction,
fire insurance, etc...

On August 16th, I saw plastic surgeon, Dr. Solmer. I do not feel
confident in his doing all the surgeries I will require and am still
planning to go to Dr. Katzen who specializes with post-bariatric
reconstructive surgery. (Dr. Katzen's office will accept the HMO's
contracted rates.) In the meantime, Dr. Solmer has submitted requests
for approval for abdominoplasty (approved), buttock lift (denied),
lateral thigh lift (denied), mastoplexy (deferred until further medical
information is received by Monarch), medial thigh lift (most probably
denied) and grade 3 brachioplasty (most probably denied). I am already
getting all my ducks in a row so that I can appeal the denials. I wish I
could say that these surgeries are merely cosmetic in nature, but they
are not... Anyone who's seen the photos in the WLS Photos - Private -
Password Required folder in my picturetrail will understand that
clothing sure does hide a lot...

In regards to my weight, it is again leveling out. It fluctuates between
157 and 161 lbs, and hopefully I won't be losing anymore until removal
of the excess skin happens. Little did I ever realize how much excess
skin I would have. I am figuring I have about 20 to 30 lbs of it. To
work on maintaining my weight and not lose more, I've been adding in
high carb (but low fat and healthy) foods. I am still sticking to my 3
meals per day but am allowing myself 2 healthy snacks a day - usually
Orville Redenbocker (sp?) Smart Pop Kettle Corn - YUM!


~~~~~~8/27/04 Friday, 11:00 pm - Weight 157 lbs (-210 lbs)
The above photos are from just some of the fun events that took place
during August. If you missed these, I am putting together yet some more
fun events for the month of September! As always, these events are for
both pre and postops including their friends and family, and I so hope
you will join me!

August 28th, Saturday, 9 am to ? - San Diego Wild Animal Park. We'll be
meeting just outside the entrance gates at 9 am and will enter the park
by 9:30 am. The zoo is hilly terrain and is a moderate walk. We will be
stopping and going so there will be lots of rests while viewing the
animals. A day pass for one person is about $30.00 or $20 for a child.
The best rate is an annual pass that covers 2 people in the same
household for unlimited admission to both parks for 14 or 15 months. It
is about $85.00.

August 29th, Sunday, 9 am to ? - San Diego Zoo. We'll be meeting just
outside the entrance gates from 8:30 am to 9 am. Be prepared for lots of
walking. The zoo is hilly terrain and is a moderate walk. We will be
stopping and going so there will be lots of rests while viewing the
animals. A day pass for one person is about $30.00 or $20 for a child.
The best rate is an annual pass that covers 2 people in the same
household for unlimited admission to both parks for 14 or 15 months. It
is about $85.00.

September 3rd, Friday, 10 am to ? - Disneyland/CA Adventure. We'll all
be meeting at the big "L" in the CALIFORNIA in front of the gates of CA
Adventure from 9:30 to 10 am. Please be sure to arrive no later as once
we enter the park (at 10 am), it will be easy to lose each other. Also,
if you can wear a white top (or hat) that day, this would be great as it
will help us identify each other! If you plan to go but will arrive
late, feel free to email me and I can give you my cell phone number so
that we could meet up in the park.

September 6th (Labor Day), Monday early morning, exact time TBA - Annual
Mount Baldy Race to the Top. Alan has done this 8 mile hike almost every
year for the past 12 years, and for the 7 years we've been married, each
year I go with him only to take the ski lift to the mid point of the
race, and read a book while waiting for him to finish the race. This
year, I am going to attempt the race with my hubby :) I've no clue if
I'll be able to finish or not, but I am sure going to try!!!!! Anyone
wanting to join us in the grueling hike uphill is welcomed! (Anyone
especially eager for exercise can carry me up when I tire out!!! LOL -
just kidding.) More info and directions will be forthcoming.

September 8th, Wednesday, 7 pm to 8:30 pm - ObesityHelp Orange County
support group meeting. Both preop and postop and support family/friends
are welcomed. Bariatric Advantage and Dr. Jacques will be presenting
about supplements and nutrition. The OH Orange County monthly meeting
(2nd Wednesday of each month) is at the OH Office at the Irvine Spectrum
in the Quest software building in Irvine off of the 5 fwy and Alton.
Directions - 5 fwy, exit Alton and head West (towards the Spectrum).
Make a left on Gateway. Parking is next to the building. For more info,
please email me or Cynthia Reynolds.

September 11th, Saturday - 10 am to ? - Day trip to Oak Glenn (near
Beaumont) for apple picking at Riley Farms and a fun day in the country.
More info and directions will be forthcoming.

September 12th, Sunday - 9 am to ? - Kayaking in Newport Back Bay
(beginning at the Newport Aquatic Center) followed by a day at Newport
Beach. All are invited of course!!! More info and directions will be
forthcoming.

September 18th, Saturday - 8 am (Registration opens at 6:30 am) - Annual
ASBS Walk From Obesity in San Diego at Mission Bay Park. The San Diego
Walk From Obesity will be held at Mission Bay Park North, starting at
Deanza Cove and ending at the Hilton Hotel. Registration opens at 6:30
am, the 5K walk/run will begin at 8:00 am and the 1 mile walk/fun run
will start at 8:15 am. Keep an eye open for a sign titled
GastricBypass-PostOp. I will most probably be wearing a grey or white
short sleeve shirt with a scoop neck with ribbon at the collar. For more
info and registration, visit http://walkfromobesity.com .

September 18th, Saturday, 2 pm - SeaWorld - Following the ASBS Walk From
Obesity, hubby and I will be visiting Shamu, the otters, penguins, polar
bears and other sealife at SeaWorld. Anyone interested in joining us can
meet us near the main entrance gates from 1:30 to 2 pm and we will enter
SeaWorld at 2pm. Tickets are approx. $50 and will allow you unlimited
entrance to SeaWorld for the remainder of the year. Directions will be
forthcoming.


~~~~~~8/30/04 Monday, 11:00 pm - Weight 157 lbs (-210 lbs)
Just checking in since hubby and I arrived home from San Diego this
weekend. Had a great time both Sat and Sun, and it was a super special
treat to stay overnight Sat with Susan and Liz and spend the day Sunday
with them at the zoo John O. joined us Sat, and Sun, Jo and her family
joined us. It was lots of fun, and I'll be posting photos in a little
bit!

Currently, I have started my battle with my insurance company and
network provider for reconstructive surgery. Last Monday, I learned that
abdominoplasty was approved but lateral thigh and buttock lift
(constituting a lower body lift) were denied. The network provider
(Monarch) says they would be cosmetic in nature... Grrrrrr.... If only
it were just cosmetic... (I wouldn't be seeking PS to begin with).
Today, I found out that the breast reconstruction (Dr. Solmer only put
in for the breast lift), medial thigh lift and brachioplasty (arm lift)
were all denied as they were said to be cosmetic as well... Grrrrr
again.

So currently, I am getting all my ducks in a row to appeal the
provider's decision directly through my HMO, Blue Shield of CA. Part of
the problem lays with the fact that the plastic surgeon I was referred
to through Monarch does not have much experience with post-bariatric
patients (especially those who've lost as much weight as I have or
more). So, for example, he submitted the abdominoplasty, buttock and
lateral thigh lift for approval by saying he's requesting that
abdominplasty be approved and that "the patient" (me) is requesting the
other surgeries. He does say that the excess skin is severe and hangs
down over a foot, but without him actually requesting approval for the
other surgeries, no wonder they were denied. I also spoke directly with
Dr. Solmer today and asked if he would write a letter to Blue Cross on
my behalf explaining the medical necessity of the various surgeries, and
his comment was that he has never seen Monarch approve any PS outside of
a TT and the surgeries I am requesting "are a lot of surgeries." Well,
no duh... But this doesn't address the medical need to have PS...

So appeal I will... Keeping my fingers crossed that all will go ok and
fairly quick in getting approval for the various surgeries as well as
going to an out of network surgeon (Katzen) who specializes in
post-bariatric reconstructive surgery.


~~~~~~8/31/04 Tuesday, 7:00 pm - Weight 157 lbs (-210 lbs)
I started out prior to surgery wearing a 56H to I bra size. I am now a
34DDD to 34G. Up until 3 weeks ago, I was a 34J. (the last 10 lbs have
all come from my breasts.) In my early out days, I thought that PS was
just for vanity purposes. I mean, people look great, right? Surely PS is
not REALLY needed.... Boy was I ever wrong!!!! LOL

People tell me all the time how great I look. And all I can think of is
"if you only knew what is underneath these clothes." There are medical
reasons for PS along with wanting to look normal and not deformed - ie:
rashes, infections (including yeast infections), boils, back pain, etc..
Of course, the amount of excess skin varies from person to person
depending on many factors, and for some, PS IS mostly cosmetic, but for
many of us it isn't.

Specific to my breasts, I figured that I would just need a lift and go
from my J cups to a B or C cup. But as I've learned, I never really had
much breast tissue all my life - my breasts are where I stored my fat.
Even when I was younger at a normal weight, I carried fat in them. So
these days, while they look great in a bra and under clothing, the
BIGGEST cup I'd be after removal of the excess skin is an A cup. "What
the ???????!!!!" is what I think about this....

I DON'T want implants, but realize that should I get the excess skin
removed, I will basically be undergoing a mastectomy and be left with
nothing. For someone who's always been large breasted since I was in 5th
grade, this will have a serious impact on how I feel about myself. So
even though I don't want implants, I will most probably end up with
them.

Again, not everyone is in the same boat. I've seen many women who sag
(the most do - we aren't 14 years old anymore), but there are different
degrees of it. When your breasts fall to your hip bones and it's nothing
but skin filling a DDD cup causing all sorts of medical problems, one
knows she has a problem...
 

16 MONTHS POST-OP, SEPTEMBER 2004


~~~~~~9/3/04 Friday, 9:00 am - Weight 157 lbs (-210 lbs)
Every day, the question is asked in the CA Message Board of what one has
eaten that day. Here's what a typical day looks like for me now that I'm
16 months postop:
B: 30 oz SF/NF Iced Vanilla Latte from Starbucks with 1 scoop Proplete
Gold Banana Creme protein powder.
L: A small palm's worth of meat (usually chicken or fish) and 1/4 to 1/2
cup veggies. (I don't really measure - just eyeball it and eat until
satiated.)
S: 20 oz SF/NF vanilla latte (Starbucks) or coffee or tea with almost
50% milk from home. (sometimes decaf, depending on how I've been doing
with my water intake during the day (as well as anxiety level.)
D: Same as lunch. Usually lunch and dinner is leftovers from another
dinner - so for tonight, I will be having some of a Pollo Bowl from El
Pollo Loco (Chicken, extra chicken, beans and cheese).
S: Something small/low calorie and sweet to satisfy me - usually a piece
of fruit, NSA fudgesicle, or similar.

Since reaching goal, I've also been allowing myself a bit more leeway
with my "rules" and this includes replacing my latte between lunch and
dinner with some microwave popcorn. I get Orville Redenbocker, Smart Pop
as it's the lowest in fat and calories I've found - about 220 calories
in the entire bag.


~~~~~~9/3/04 Friday, 11:00 pm - Weight 157 lbs (-210 lbs)
Today has been such an incredible day as it has finally hit me that I am
at goal, that I no longer carry 210 extra lbs, that I am no longer
limited from doing the things I love to do, that I am no longer thin
stuck inside the prison of a super morbidly obese body... Mika and I
went to Disneyland this morning/afternoon, and we had fun taking lots of
photos of each other. Looking at them (all of the ones posted for
9/3/04), I realize that I AM thin, getting tiny even. In some ways, I
don't recognize the woman in the photos... In other ways, she is a known
aquaintance who's been locked away/inside for years, though she's aged
since she was last present... Grateful to have her back...


~~~~~~9/6/04 Monday, 4:00 pm - Weight 155 lbs (-212 lbs)
Well, I am still losing, still getting ready my appeal to fight the
denials for the reconstructive surgeries I am needing. Thanking everyone from

ObesityHelp.com and my GastricBYpass-PostOp Group who've provided me

input in terms of completing my appeal.  Wishing I looked
the same without clothing as I do with clothing! LOL More importantly, I
am looking forward to living a normal life free from infections, pain,
limited movement, etc. that all the excess skin causes. Yes, clothing
DOES hide a lot...


~~~~~~9/21/04 Tuesday, 10:30 am - Weight 157 lbs (-210 lbs)
In my PostOp YahooGroup, someone posted about getting to goal but having
a hard time maintaining the last 2 months. The following was my
response:

Gosh, timing is everything... First welcome to the group. Second
congrats on your awesome success as a postop! Third, I hear ya on
feeling out of control. At the same time, I wonder have you really gone
back to the way you used to eat? I don't know about you but there's no
way in hell I am physically able to go back to the way I used to eat....

But I do understand feeling like one has gone back to eating like he/she
used to. I also understand losing control for a short time (for whatever
reason), seeing the scale go up a little, feeling like one's a failure,
and then giving in to further "bad" eating behaviors. I had my surgery
16 1/2 months ago and have lost 213 lbs. My lowest was 154 lbs. The past
couple of months, since I reached goal, I've been struggling with
staying on a healthy diet and not giving in to temptations. For me, part
of this, I think, is my body is trying to stop me from losing any more.
Even though the scale shows me to be 20 to 30 lbs heavier than my ideal
weight(135) , I've no doubt most if not all of the excess weight is from
the excess skin. I wear all size 4 to 6's and am can wear clothing I did
as a teen when I weighed 125 lbs. If anything, I am getting too thin,
and my guess is that my body is trying to tell me to stop losing.
Another reason I think I've been giving in to cravings and grazing more
and more is that I've been choosing higher carb/glycemic index foods
which leave me craving more. And of course, there's the fact that I was
and will always be a compulsive overeater (the reason for my ever
weighing 370 lbs to begin with).

So the past couple of months, I've been catching myself making poorer
food choices (not choosing protein first), eating at night, and
snacking. I FEEL out of control... Am I really though? I don't know...
My weight bounced back up to 157/158 and has been fluctuating between
154 and 158 for the past month and a half. I am still feeling out of
control - as recently as last night, I caught myself taking a piece of
left-over pizza out of the fridge to heat it up in the microwave at
midnight :( Not good. I fought the urge successfully and put it back in
the fridge and instead poured myself a 32 oz bottle of Crystal Light,
chewed on some of my vitamins (yum) and went to bed. This morning, I am
still wanting the pizza, no sugar added ice cream, popcorn, whatever
that's in my kitchen, but I am fighting myself and sticking with a
protein shake. I am telling myself that if I still want to eat after
drinking the shake, I can, but I WILL do protein first.

So, I babble (nothing new LOL), but in a nutshell, reading Laura's
response to your post was perfect timing for me, and I thank you for
posting what you did. I think she's dead on when saying we just need to
go back to basics (without beating ourselves up for PERCEIVED failures).

Interested in doing a protein train with me? I am going to do a modified
one as my goal is not to lose more weight, but rather help me to refocus
on my commitment to healthier eating (and more regular exercise too) - I
want to get back to the focus of high protein and to kick the grazing
out and fast...

OK, so here's what I am committing to for the next couple of days:
Breakfast - protein shake
Lunch - protein shake or Starbucks SF/NF latte
Dinner - healthy, protein first dinner
Snack - another protein shake or if I am really craving it, 1 bag of my
Smart Pop popcorn.

And going back to for the long haul:
-- NO MORE NSA ice cream in my house - I thought I could have it in
moderation and I've learned that it's the same as NSA apple pie - I
can't do it in moderation (unless out in public with a controlled
amount). These foods along with potato chips are huge trigger foods for
me and they are best left out of my home altogether.
-- NO MORE GIVING IN TO EATING AT NIGHT. No excuses... (again, this is
one behavior that got me into a LOT of trouble to begin with.)
--NO SNACKING unless it is a planned snack and a completely healthy one.


~~~~~~9/22/04 Wednesday, 1:30 pm - Weight 156 lbs (-211 lbs)
Having a hard time today as my kitty Cocoa isn't too well... Wanting to
eat to drown out the pain but I won't...

Cocoa

You lay in my arms
Gently resting in peace
A lifetime of purrs
Since I found you alone

Afraid you wandered
Seeking safety and love
And into our home
You came like a dove

Pure and white
Yet chocolate all over
I cradled you at night
While seeking the stars

Years and years passed
You gave all you could give
During nights never ending
And days filled with tears

Joy and laughter too
You played and brought us hugs
Curled with us in bed
Kept us warm when cold

Your intelligence unending
Your voice ever questioning
Only to stop as you grew
Old and frail

Three years have passed
You’ve have held on to life
But now you falter
Into my arms

You lay head in my hand
Teared eyes gently close
As you take one more breath
And I watch in despair

Waiting but knowing…
Please know I love you
And will always hold
My Cocoa in my heart.

© September 22, 2004, Caroline Ann Martin
 

~~~~~~9/22/04 Wednesday, 10:30 pm - Weight 156 lbs (-211 lbs)
I am just wanting to thank everyone so sooooo much for all your support
earlier this afternoon in regards to my post about my kitty, Cocoa.
Cocoa is over 20 years old and has been battling kidney failure the past
3 years. This past July, he started losing the fight, I was prepared to
put him to sleep, but then the vet encouraged us to try kidney dialysis
with him which we did. He was doing more or less ok until the last
couple of days, and this morning he just looked awful. He still does and
I feel as though each breath may be his last. I am scared to put him to
sleep and wish there was a way he could tell me if it's truly his time
or not.

I've been good today foodwise and haven't given into emotional eating.
Writing and playing with my camera has been what's kept me safe. (See my
photos of Cocoa in the above entry as well as my before/after photos
here). The photos at the top of this entry were taken today. I never
cease to be amazed at this awesome tool of WLS...

Sending hugs and love to all...


~~~~~~9/29/04 Wednesday, 10:30 am - Weight 154 lbs (-213 lbs)
The past few months, since realizing I don't need to lose any more
weight (at about 160 lbs) and if anything might gain a few lbs, I have
been modifying the guidelines/"rules" that I've followed almost since
the beginning of my WLS. It is scary as somedays it feels as though I am
out of control by snacking, cravings, etc. The cravings are intense and
I want to fight them by not giving in to them, but I have been giving
into them. Yet, my weight went up only a TINY bit, only to drop back
down again. I really think my body is simply trying to stop me from
losing any more. So I am still working on how much, what and when I can
eat without losing or gaining much weight back. Trying not to obsess
about it, but it's easy to do - at least for me given who I am...

Yesterday I had:
B - Venti hot decaf tea (2 teabags) with 1/2 C NF milk, 4 Splenda
packets and a splash of SF Vanilla - this is my favorite drink at home
these days.
L - 2 Venti iced decaf SF, NF Vanilla Lattes from Starbucks (really 1
latte but made in my 40 oz water bottle with lots of extra milk).
There's about 3 1/2 to 4 cups of milk in it.
6pm - approx 1/4 cup cornchowder soup from Mimi's Cafe
6:30 pm - approx 3/4 cup grilled chicken and steamed zucchini with
tomato sauce and cheese over both from Mimi's Cafe
7:30 pm - bag of microwaved Smart Pop popcorn
9:00 pm - Post Carb-Well bar - these things should be outlawed! LOL
(they taste great - a bit on the sweet side - but offer too much fat and
sugar for the wee 10 g protein you get)
10:00 pm - 1 oz Lifetime NF Cheese
10:30 pm - (when I was STILL feeling the insane need to eat) - 1/2 cup
grilled chicken with zucchini with tomato sauce and cheese on both.
11:30 pm - (still feeling the urge to eat but had some of my SF/NF hot
tea with a splash of SF Vanilla instead)

Eeks.... If that's doesn't look like compulsive eating for a postop, I
don't know what does... It breaks almost every guideline I set for
myself and followed to a T (see August 11th's post) as I was losing
weight - protein first, no foods with higher carbs than protein, no
snacking, no grazing, no eating after 9pm or 3 hours before I go to
sleep, etc...

But the urge was soooooo there.... It was there, too, the night before
and almost for the past two months or so. Some days I don't give into
it, and other days, like last night, I do... I woke this morning
expecting to see the scale go up, but it's dropped 2 lbs and I am back
down to my all time low of 154 lbs.

So I am left wondering what it is that is going on. Am I emotionally
eating (because of Cocoa who is still with us, btw, and other stressors?
God only knows there are many stressors in my life right now)? Are old
behaviors returning? By allowing myself popcorn and other high carb
foods, am I sending my cravings and wanting to graze through the roof?
Or perhaps my body is simply trying to tell me I can't lose any more
weight?

Then there's still the question of body image - some days I see how thin
I am getting - too thin and it scares me a bit. Other times, it's very
hard looking past all the excess skin, and I see myself as fat. I rarely
see myself as petite or tiny - yet, wearing size 4's, how could I not
be? Most "smalls" are too big even. Heck, I can now officially wear ALL
of the clothing I have stored in my closet back from when I was a teen -
even the tiny little lace panties that I kept in my drawers all these
years, thinking "someday". I used to look at them as though they were
made for my doll. LOL Now they fit and they fit fine (though I sure
don't look good in them anymore LOL). So I am constantly challenging
myself on the body image thing. I know my brain has yet to catch up with
the weight loss.

Anyways... I ramble yet again - I'm good at this, huh? LOL

That's a bit where I'm at these days... Still needing to clear out my
house of all my WAY too big clothing (I took photos and will be posting
them to my picturetrail today) and other things I've been meaning to
sell on eBay for some time now. Still needing to get papers, forms, etc.
into the mail rg the house in PA, though Alan and I DID do a bit of work
last week when Hector was visiting.
 

17 MONTHS POST-OP, DECEMBER 2005


~~~~~~10/05/04 Wednesday, 8:00 pm - Weight 152 lbs (-215 lbs)
Just wanting to thank everyone for your support the last two weeks rg my
kitty, Cocoa. Alan and I put him to sleep today after his battling
chronic kidney failure for the past three years. He decompensated
terribly the past three months, fought hard following a five day bout of
kidney dialysis back in July, and two weeks ago tomorrow took what
seemed to be his final turn for the worse. All the past two weeks, he's
had bad days, then good, then bad, then good again. He was having a good
day today, but we knew that it was just a matter of hours before he was
not eating again, etc...

I am having a hard time right now and expect to be offline the next day
or two.
 

~~~~~~10/07/04 Thursday, 11:00 pm - Weight 152 lbs (-215 lbs)
Just an update I sent to some friends and thought I'd update here too:

I've been out of the eBay loop for the past several months - just trying
to catch up with other things going on in my life. Alan (hubby) and I
are doing well, still planning on moving to PA though we are still many
months away from actually moving as the house and estate still need to
be ironed out.

Weight-wise I am doing great - I've lost 215 lbs since my gastric bypass
surgery 17 months ago. I've gone from a Women's 7X to a Misses 4/6. My
current weight is 152 lbs though I have at least 20 lbs of excess skin
that I am currently appealing my insurance company to have it removed
via reconstructive plastic surgery. Anyone interested in seeing photos
can see them at http://picturetrail.com/carolineam.

I am feeling "stuck" lately with eBay listings. I have SOOOOOO much to
list and feel swamped not being sure where to begin. My clothing that's
too big, alone, is a tremendous pile of items to be listed. Then there's
all sorts of other electronics, games, books, sports equipment,
stuffies, etc... Eeks... Tonight, I started creating new templates in
Turbo Lister so at least this is a start :) Anyone interested in
checking out my auctions can click on the photo above this entry or
visit http://tinyurl.com/5vac. My eBay screenname is
MildStonesCreations. I will be adding more listings all this coming
weekend and throughout next week.

Alan and I had to put one of our kitties to sleep this past Tuesday.
Cocoa had chronic kidney failure and decompensated greatly the past 3
months. We now have 3 kitties (Chester, Sasha, and Miss Slippers) and
have adopted another burmese/havana brown (the type of kitty Cocoa was)
yesterday. This new kitty will be coming home to us this Saturday after
she is spade (tomorrow). She is about 6 months old and appears to have
the sweetest disposition... She will never replace our dear Cocoa, of
course, but somehow, having her come to us reminds me of the cycle of
life so to say, and this is a comfort.


~~~~~~10/09/04 Saturday, 6:30 pm - Weight 152 lbs (-215 lbs and holding)
Alan and I brought our new kitty home today. Her name is Ms Mittens and
she is about 6 months old. She reminded us greatly of Cocoa who we sadly
had to put to sleep this past Tuesday (he was about 20 years old and
lost a 3 year fight with chronic kidney failure) both in how she looks
and her affectionate nature. We are currently working towards
introducing her to our other 3 kitties. I took a photo of her today
(imagine that! LOL) while she was laying in our bathroom sink (see
above) :)


~~~~~~10/10/04 Monday, 6:00 pm - Weight 152 lbs (-215 lbs and holding)
Ugh.... Can you guess it? Yup, Blue Shield of CA denied it all - denied
breast reconstruction, arm lift, buttock lift and medial and lateral
thigh lifts... As I am sure anyone who saw my photos remembers, there is
no doubt that these surgeries are NOT cosmetic and are medically
necessary. Per Blue Shield, the requested surgeries are all cosmetic and
while they acknowledge that I have medical issues related to the skin
(intertrigo, yeast infections, etc.), they claim that it is not the
excess skin causing these problems... Sooooo.... onto appealing through
the Dept of Managed Care... I am in total disbelief and am at a loss for
words...
Ugh,
Caroline
Lap RNY 5/2/03
367/152 below goal and with at least 20 lbs of excess skin
OH Profile: http://tinyurl.com/bkld
More Photos (including some of the photos I sent in my appeal in the
private, no password needed folder and the password required folder -
password is May22003 - what, are the reviewers blind?????):
http://picturetrail.com/carolineam


~~~~~~10/14/04 Thursday, 12:00 am - Weight 151 lbs (-216 lbs and holding)
Things sure have been stressful here lately... On top of having to put
one of my kitties to sleep last week, continuing to deal with all sorts
of paperwork related to Alan's mom's estate (including the house back
East in PA), getting the 2nd denial of my PS appeal, having ongoing
problems with skin breakdown related to the excess skin (I am now on my
6th straight week of antibiotics), losing my SSDI (social security feels
I am able to work now and will be stopping payments in Nov), Alan
learned today that he is going to be laid off from his job in the very
near future... The stress is unbearable... This morning, I will be
seeing my psychiatrist who I haven't seen in a long while (over 1 1/2
years ago just before my WLS). I am hoping he might put me back on
anti-depressents to help me at least take the edge off the depression. I
am so scared I will start "sinking" again... Weight and food-wise,
everything is going ok and I've been maintaining at 151/152 lbs for some
time now.


~~~~~~10/20/04 Wednesday, 6:00 pm - Weight 151 lbs (-216 lbs)
Just wanting to wave hi and say I am still here :) I started taking the
Lexapro yesterday and so far it's ok though I have some headaches and
have been a bit tired. My eBay listings are going pretty good -
http://tinyurl.com/5vac though I didn't sell the cinderella dress - oh
well... Weight-wise, I am still at 151 lbs and am doing well food-wise.

PS-wise, I saw my PCP today and she is writing another letter rg the
medical necessity of the various reconstructive surgeries for me to send
with my grievance to the state dept of managed care. It is her
professional opinion that I have at least 35 to 40 lbs of excess skin
that needs to be removed. Also, she is working on getting approval for
me to see a PS out of network - namely Dr. Katzen - as it's her feeling
that the reason why the surgeries were denied is because of how the
in-network, PS, wrote the authorization request (saying he recommended
abdominoplasty (which was approved) and I was requesting additional
surgeries including buttock lift, lateral and medial thigh lift, breast
lift and arm lift). If I get referred to Dr. Katzen, then the insurance
co would have a better referral/auth request to base an appropriate
decision on.

Dizzyness-wise, I am still getting dizzy and she's ordered a blood sugar
testing kit (those that diabetics use) and I am to check my levels every
time I get dizzy and feel as though I am going to pass out. Hoping to
rule out hypoglycemia.

Alan and I picked up Cocoa's ashes today and still are grieving over
losing him. Our new kitty, Ms. Mittens is doing great and has been very
quick to feel at home and get along with our other kitties - especially
Ms. Slippers. We've never had two kittens at the same time, and it's fun
watching them play.

I am so looking forward to the ObesityHelp Convention at Universal
Studios - to think, just 1 1/2 more weeks to go :) It will be wonderful
to get to see friends and meet new friends :)


~~~~~~10/21/04 Thursday, 8:00 pm - Weight 149 lbs (-218 lbs)
At last, finally I'm in a normal weight range - even WITH all the excess
skin :) This is definitely beyond what I could have ever expected!
Hopefully the only weight I'll lose from here on out is when (and if) I
have the excess skin removed!!!


~~~~~~10/25/04 Monday, 12:30 am - Weight 149 lbs (-218 lbs)
I am just so darn frustrated with the insurance companies.... They
denied my WLS even though I started with a BMI of over 61 and had
comorbids, and now they are denying everything but abdominoplasty...
Ugh....

I keep thinking what I will do if the Dept of Managed Health Care
doesn't overturn Blue Shield's and Monarch's denials... Do I move ahead
and have just the abdominoplasty for now? Do I pay out of pocket (with
money I don't have and then pray Medicare will pick up the bill) to turn
the abdominoplasty into a full body lift and contend with the medial
thighs, breasts, arms and back later on???

To complicate everything, Alan was laid off from his job this past
Friday (given that we'd expected to have moved to PA already)... So now
we'll be paying for Cobra lest lose our insurance coverage
altogether.... And Alan is now actively looking for work in PA, so what
happens if he secures a job out there and we have to move before I have
the surgeries?

It's all just so darn confusing... But tomorrow's another day, right? So
I will just keep pressing on... At least my diet and exercise are going
great these days - throughout all the stress, I am doing pretty good
staying on track.


18 MONTHS POST-OP, DECEMBER 2005


~~~~~~11/6/04 Saturday, 11:45 am - Weight 145 lbs (-222 lbs)
It's been a couple weeks since I've last updated my profile. Things here
are going as well as can be expected. The Lexapro is kicking in and
helping with the depression, and Alan and I have been listing things on
eBay (under MildStonesCreations for anyone interested) and packing in
preparation of moving to PA sometime in the unforseen future (becoming
sooner than later). Alan has a couple of job interviews there the week
of the 15th, and we're continuing to work on the massive paperwork pile
concerning his mom's estate, the house, etc.

As for my PS appeal, I am still fighting... Blue Shield upheld Monarch's
denials and I have since filed yet another appeal/grievance, this time
with the State of CA's Dept. of Managed Health Care. They received the
grievance last week and hopefully it won't be too long before I hear
anything... I'm continuing to be on antibiotics for this skin infections
(now on my 4th month of them) and with further weight loss, the excess
skin has only gotten worse. I've seen several plastic surgeons both in
and out of network, and it is understood that I have an extreme amount
of excess skin that needs to be removed for medical reasons. Thank
goodness for undergarments and clothing that hides all of it and makes
it easier to move...

As for my weight, it is continuing to go down, and I am getting a bit
concerned as are my doctors. I am definately venturing on the "too thin"
side, and will be even more so once the redundant skin is removed. It's
not that I haven't been eating - I have. I am still getting in tons of
protein, have added snacks to my day, am trying to increase calories,
etc. but the weight is still coming off. I met with a nutritionist
yesterday and we set up a meal plan that will help me to get in 1600
calories per day which is what we figured I will need to maintain. So
here's what I am aiming for now:

Breakfast: Protein shake (120 kcal)
Snack: Venti SF/NF latte (180 kcal)
Snack: Protein bar or latte (170 kcal)
Lunch: 4 oz protein (275 to 300 kcal)
1 fruit or 2 servings veg. (60 kcal)
Snack: Protein bar or latte (170 kcal)
Snack: 1 oz turkey or beef jerky (100 kcal)
Dinner: 4 oz protein (275 to 300 kcal)
1 fruit or 2 servings veg. (60 kcal)
Snack: 1 bag Orville Redenbocker's Smart Pop popcorn (220 kcal)

We figured these guidelines based on what I have been eating each day
for the past month or so, but increased the number of meals and amounts
of food. Hopefully this will help me to start maintaining my weight
(though yesterday I did this and today woke to find another 2 lbs gone).
 

~~~~~~11/18/04 Thursday, 10:30 am - Weight 150 lbs (-217 lbs)
I am 18 1/2 months postop and the last couple of weeks have, again, been
unreal in terms of wanting to eat all the time. I think that part of it
is still my body's trying to put a halt to the weight loss I experienced
as I was going way underweight. At 162 lbs (205 lost), more than a few
of my friends and two of my doctors were saying I was getting way too
thin (actually thinking I may have been becoming anorexic), but I
continued to drop down to 149 lbs (-218 lost). The psychologist at
Coastal Center and the inperson group I attend came right out and told
me I have to stop losing as I was getting frightfully thin, and a friend
who I saw late last night told me I was "looking like a junkie" and it
was shocking for her to see me the last time she saw me (when I was at
that weight).

The past two weeks, I've been purposely upping my calories trying to
maintain (not necessarily gain as that is a scary thought right now -
i.e.: can I trust in my body and myself not to gain a lot of weight
back???), but continued to lose down to 144 lbs. Then, this past weekend
I went to Vegas for the OH Chatroom gathering and "rid of all my rules"
for the weekend. When I returned home, the scale showed a huge jump to
155 lbs. Now, I know there is NO way that I could have gained 11 lbs in
4 days time (I was probably eating about the number of calories to
maintain, maybe gain 1 or 2 lbs at most), but just to see that on the
scale, I have to admit, freaked me out a bit...

The truth is that I know all about gaining weight and losing weight, but
in my entire adult life since initially becoming morbidly obese, I have
NEVER known how to maintain my weight. And when I was a late teen, I
maintained but it was effortless and just occurred naturally.

I am trying not to get too wrapped up in worrying about this maintenence
thing now, but am scared given that for most of my life and all of my
adult life, I have not been able to trust in my body to tell me
truthfully what it needs (and/or trust my mind to listen).

The other thing is that, for me, the reason I got to 370 lbs to begin
with was because I was eating HUGE amounts of food, foods VERY high in
calories and fat, and at all the wrong times (starve during the day and
then binge at night). I was (and still am) truly addicted to food and
the way it made me feel (safe, comforted, numb, distracted, etc.).
There's the notion that it is easier for an drug addict to get sober
than it is for a food addict to get sober because the drug addict can
rid drugs from his or her life, but a food addict still has to eat. I
like how my one friend described this so well - she gave the example of
a heroin addict giving up heroin. Some drug addicts will go "cold
turkey" and rid the drugs from the system completely. Others will "chip"
meaning that over time they will have less and less of it - just enough
to "take the edge off" the withdrawal symptoms. The problem with
chipping is that there is always the risk (and likelihood) that the
chipping will initially lead to less use but in the end the addict will
be right back to their old behaviors. As she explained, the food addict
has no choice but to chip, and because of this, there is the much higher
risk that old behaviors will return.

Somewhere inside, I think I've always recognized this in myself - for
it's the reason why I have been so strict in setting up and following my
"rules" (ie: no eating at night, no icecream, no snacking, no high
carb/low protein meals, no drinking with meals, no nuts, no refined
sugar, no popcorn (as this is a snack food and offers nothing in terms
of nutrition), etc.)... But since August when I went under 160 and the
fact that I was losing too much weight started hitting home, I've
purposely been breaking "the rules" (ie: if I am physically hungry I can
eat at night, if hungry I can snack between meals, I can eat a high
carb/low protein meal providing I am getting in a minimum of 60 - 70 g
protein a day, etc.). But giving myself permission to break "the rules"
started me chipping and opened the door to more and more behaviors
returning. This past weekend was frightening in terms of finding myself
wanting to eat past full, not focus on protein first, wanting to snack
way too much, etc...

So the question comes back down to whether I can trust in myself to
listen to my body's needs and respect those needs. I wish it were a
simple, straight forward answer... But it's not because somewhere inside
the food addiction still lurks...


~~~~~~11/29/04 Monday, 1:30 pm - Weight 147 lbs (-220 lbs)
Since my last post, my weight has been fluctuating between 144 and 151.
I am still considered too thin though am feeling better (and I think,
looking better (ie: less gaunt)) the past couple of weeks. I am still
having to watch what I am eating and have realized that sticking to set
meal times without snacking and not eating after a certain time at night
are not options, but requirements for me.

As for the PS front, I am still fighting for approvals through the Dept
of Managed Health Care. I created a seperate profile here on OH focusing
solely on my PS journey (the link can be found at the top of this
page/profile). A decision is due back by Dec. 4th, and I so thank
everyone in the boards and in my inperson group who have been keeping me
in your prayers.


19 MONTHS POST-OP, DECEMBER 2005
 

~~~~~~12/03/04 Friday, 1:30 pm - Weight 144 lbs (-223 lbs)
I am at a loss for words so this will be brief, but once again, my
appeals were denied. This time, outside of agreeing that mastopexy
(breast lift without reconstruction or implants) should be covered by my
insurance, the Dept of Managed Health Care upheld Blue Shield of CA's
and prior to that Monarch's decision to say all but abdominoplasty are
considered cosmetic (and not reconstructive) and not medically necessary
and therefore are not covered by my insurance. So, I am granted coverage
for abdominoplasty and breast lift and as for my buttocks, hips, lateral
thighs, medial thighs, arms, back, as well as the need for implants to
have any figure on top after the lift, the only other recourse I have is
to go to a lawyer or pay for it all out-of-pocket which I neither have
the monies for nor should I have to pay out-of-pocket when the medical
need for the other surgeries SHOULD be so obvious...

I am beyond frustrated at this point and am left dumbfounded... Despite
having had a VERY hard life, I've always held on to some core beliefs
that have helped me to keep putting one foot in front of the other...
One such belief, "justice will prevail" is something that I am seriously
questioning these days... Let's see, my grandfather died 2 years ago and
lays at peace with everyone thinking he was such a wonderful man,
Theresa's murderers were released from prison (thanks to Barry Sheck
(sp?) one of the lawyers on OJ Simpson's defense team, Joel Ziev from
NYSD walked away with a $200,000 pension, the man who killed my
husband's best friend Joe while street racing got a mere 3 years in jail
(and he'll walk in 1/2 that time), necessary reconstructive surgery has
been denied over and over again, etc. etc. etc... The list goes on... I
am feeling at such a loss and the injustice of it all is beyond
triggering to other issues I've faced in my past. I've always held on
and remained optimistic by thinking "justice will prevail", but I guess
I am learning the lesson the hard way that it doesn't always...

I asked Dr. Katzen about doing the abdominoplasty first but he feels
that it wouldn't be doing the right thing for me given the extreme
amount of skin that I have. (I have a lot more skin on my buttocks and
thighs actually, than I have on my tummy, and an abdominoplasty will
only touch a small amount of the problem.) Also, by doing abdominoplasty
only, it will eliminate my ability to have a full body lift in the
future.

As for my breasts, I've considered just having a breast lift without
augmentation, but I will literally be left with nothing - I would be
looking like an 8 year old girl without any breast development at all.
At this point, even though I am still in a G cup, it is all just skin :(

The other thing that I am trying to sort out is whether I can go for the
body lift, have insurance pay for the abdominoplasty part and then I'd
pay any difference... Dr. Katzen is willing to work with me this way but
he is out of network and I am now running into walls trying to get a
change in provider.

Dr. Nguyen, who I also feel comfortable with, and is in-network, doesn't
have a way to seperate the billing so as to charge for just the
difference of turning the abdominoplasty into a lower body lift.

So I am feeling sorta stuck by brick walls and am searching desperately
for the lose bricks that might give way if I press on them enough...
 

~~~~~~12/06/04 Monday, 10:30 am - Weight 144 lbs (-223 lbs)
Oh wow.....

I woke this morning and had to fight with myself to get my butt out of
bed! Sat, Alan and I got home VERY late after the karaoke party and then
slept a long time yesterday. And the whole PS fight is definately
wearing me down, so getting up this morning was so very hard as I just
wanted to stay under the covers where it was warm and safe.

As I do each morning, I came on to my 'puter to check for any email
messages and was surprised at all the emails I'd received. Then it
dawned on me that it was Monday, and that this is the day the new POTW
is announced...

Lynnda, thank you so so much sweetie for thinking of me and choosing me
for POTW. You are my person of the year, lol, and are such a deserving,
loving, caring person.... Like for yourself, yes, the timing is so so
perfect and already I can feel my spirits being lifted!

So many people have told me what an optimistic person I seem to be -
that I always have a smile no matter what, and never seem to get
depressed, that I am always there to offer others support, and I am
always left scratching my head wondering what about me makes people see
that. God only knows that I do deal with depression on a regular basis
and frankly, some days are just hard.

But when I sit down to really think about it, I do realize that somehow
I am able to keep putting one foot in front of the other, that at least
on the outside, I seem to be an optimistic person. I think that when all
is said and done, some how, despite all the hard times I've experienced
in my life, I learned a few valuable lessons and held onto some core
beliefs - that there is good in everyone, that we should all play to our
strengths, that one should never give up the opportunity to tell someone
how much he/she cares for them, that everything happens for a reason,
that as one door closes another opens, and that justice will prevail.

Some recent events including my losing the fight for necessary PS have
left me questioning some of these core beliefs... I find myself having a
hard time continuing to put one foot in front of the other lately (as it
is these core beliefs that have kept me doing so), though I have
certainly been trying my best...

Sooooo.... Yes, I thank you and everyone here in the CA OH message board
so so much for honoring me with POTW. More so, I thank you for your
friendship and for being there for me and for each other in so so many
ways. Prior to my WLS, I was always heavily involved in support groups
in one way or the other (hearing loss, abuse survivors, writing and art
groups, etc.) and have met some amazing people and wonderful friends
through them, yet, OH has brought people into my life who I feel I can
truly connect with... For you all don't get to see just one side of me,
but you see me in the whole....

~~~~~~12/16/04 Thursday, 9:30 am - Weight 149 lbs (-218 lbs)
As I mentioned in a previous post, all my appeals were denied except for
the abdominoplasty (which was approved to begin with) and breast lift
was finally overturned in my favor. But everything else has been denied,
and I am all out of appeals.

Sherry from OKC has been an absolute sweetie in helping to get together
members from the OH boards with hopes of getting my story out, and I did
find a plastic surgeon here in SoCal who is willing to take me on as a
patient and is going to various TV networks to see if they would take on
my story and help fund the PS. As I don't know how long this will all
take, and I can't continue taking all the meds (antibiotics and pain
medications) as I've been doing since early August, I've been keeping
all options open.

I met with Dr. Nguyen in Fountain Valley yesterday (3rd appt) and will
be undergoing a circumferential abdominoplasty and breast lift at
Fountain Valley Hospital on Jan 17th. I'll be paying out of pocket $3K
to turn the TT (tummy tuck/abdominoplasty) into a circumferential TT.

Then, if Alan and I can figure a way to fund it ($14K - ow), and nothing
else has come through, I would be undergoing a circumferential thigh
lift, extended brachioplasty and breast augmentation most likely in
mid-February. Considering the extreme amount of excess skin on my thighs
and buttocks, chances are I will have to undergo an additional thigh
lift and buttock lift in the future.

I am elated, scared, etc. all at the same time, and am praying that I
can figure a way to fund the remaining PS, but at least things are
moving in the right direction :)


~~~~~~12/23/04, Thursday 2:30 pm - Weight 144 lbs (-223 lbs)
Lots has been going on here. This morning, Alan was offered the job in
PA that we've been praying for. He will be starting sometime in early to
mid February! So our move to PA is definate now... The house in PA is
still no where near complete and we are still working with the
contractors and insurance company trying to square things away so that
it can be completed as soon as possible. We've been working like crazy
all day trying to get our condo in order as we'll be listing it up for
sale sometime early January.

Weight-wise, I have been at goal since early August. I have lost a total
of 223 lbs and the start of my reconstructive surgery (lower body lift
and breast lift) is all set to go January 17th... It is expected that I
will lose a minimum of 20 to 30 more lbs just from the excess skin. I am
excited and scared at the same time to say the least. Praying that the
outcome will make all the pain, risks, recovery and expense
worthwhile...

Health-wise, I am doing great though have been experiencing some major
fluctuations with my blood sugar. At it's lowest, it's been 53, and at
it's highest, it's been 198. I have a doctor's appt this Tuesday to
follow up.

As excited as I am about our upcoming move, I am saddened that this
means I will soon be saying goodbyes (at least inperson goodbyes -
there's always email and online groups) to so many special people I have
met here in CA.

I am definitely looking forward to the hike in Whiting Ranch on January
2nd (next Sunday beginning at 10am - we'll be meeting at the Starbucks
in Foothill Ranch off of Portola). Alan and I would also like to open
our home for our special friends later in the day for a get-together. I
figure we'd start around 2pm, and all are welcomed. If you are
interested, but won't be hiking with us, please email me and I can send
you directions.

Sending hugs and happy holidays to all!!!!


20 MONTHS POST-OP, JANUARY 2005


~~~~~~1/4/05, Tuesday 8:00 pm - Weight 144-152 lbs (-223 lbs)
Well, today I went to a general surgeon upon a referral from my PCP to
follow up about 2 very palpable and enlarged lymph nodes on my neck. The
"bumps" for lack of a better description have been there since the late
Spring/early Summer and I've been too chicken to follow up about them.
When I learned that my nephew has lymphoma, I figured I better get them
checked out. I still put off going to a surgeon as most doctors felt it
wasn't anything to be worried about, but with the start of my
reconstructive surgeries being less than 2 weeks away, I figured it
would be best to go to the dr and get it over with so that I could have
some peace of mind.

So, today I saw a surgeon who specializes in the lymphatic
system/oncology and he told me that the bumps are, indeed, lymph glands
and that he could feel other lymph glands on my neck, under my arms,
under my knees and in my groin/abdomen area. He felt certain that they
aren't cancerous but thought that they might be enlarged though he also
said that my "being very thin now could be making it so that there's no
fat hiding the lymph glands". How wierd it was to hear this from a dr...
It's one thing to be told I am thin by my hubby or a friend. It's
another to hear it from a doctor. And it's another to be told that I am
on the very thin side...

Anyways, he is recommending that I have the lymph gland from under one
of my arms removed and biopsied. I am hoping to have this done at the
same time as my first round of reconstructive surgery (1/17). There's
lots to be arranged as this surgeon doesn't work out of the hospital
that I'll be at for my PS, but it's something I am looking into...


~~~~~~1/5/05, Wednesday 10:00 pm - Weight 144-152 lbs (-223 lbs)
Well, as of tomorrow, our condo will officially be listed for sale.
Hoping it doesn't sell too fast as I'll need the time here to recoup
from my first round of PS. The surgeon's office says I should be able to
have the second round 3 to 4 weeks after the first which would be
beginning to mid June. Anyone who's had a lower body lift without legs
done think they'd be able to go through the legs, arms and breast
implants being done only 3 to 4 weeks later?
 

~~~~~~1/12/05, Wednesday 11:30 pm - Weight 144-149 lbs (-223 lbs)
Well, Alan and I did it! We sold our condo!!! We listed it on the market
last Thursday and by Monday already had an offer. We counter offered and
the buyer agreed to our counter. Our home is now in escrow as of
yesterday! Things are certainly moving fast.... Faster than I could ever
have expected...

This Monday (1/17/05) from 1pm to at least 7pm is my first round of
reconstructive surgery - lower body lift and breast lift as well as a
lymph node under my arm being removed and biopsied. Alan and I are
trying to pack as much as we can prior to Monday so that he'll have less
to do once I have my surgery (I expect to be more or less bed ridden for
a long while). Anyone who might want to visit me while in the hospital
is welcomed to. I'll be at Fountain Valley Regional Hospital (off of the
405 and not far from Euclid.) I expect to be in the hospital through
Wednesday. (surgeon's office says Tuesday but I don't see how that would
be doable given the type and number of procedures I'll be going in for.
I am also open to having visitors once I am home I would sure love the
company!

Then, on Sat 2/12/05, I'll be undergoing my 2nd round of reconstructive
surgery - extended brachioplasty and breast implants. (still figuring
out if I want saline or silicone - anyone with info about the various
options?) (I've decided to hold off on the circumferential thigh lifts
until after I move to and get a little settled in in PA.)

Then things will get super crazy.... On Sunday, 2/13/05, Alan moves to
PA. He will be taking 2 of our kitties with him. I am going to be
staying in our condo (need to figure out a way to get by alone - I am
definately open to help if anyone is wanting and able to extend a hand)
and then shipping our other 2 kitties to him after he finds an apt for
us (the house in PA is still not liveable and is still being restored
following the fire and general problems of not being well cared for for
the past 45 years - it was built in 1928). We are also needing to figure
the best way to ship all of the belongings we will be moving with us to
PA...

The buyer has agreed to let us rent back through March 15th so I will
definately be moving by that date, possibly sooner if my recovery from
both rounds of surgeries goes smooth and we are able to work out all the
logistics of the move.

In the meantime, I am eager to get out and do some last minute
activities before becoming bed-ridden on Monday... Anyone local to me up
working out and going swimming at LA Fitness in Foothill Ranch tomorrow
night with me? My membership allows me to bring 2 guests Please let me
know as I'd LOVE the company!!! On Friday afternoon and Sat, Alan and I
are planning to go biking on our tandem and to do some hiking.


~~~~~~1/15/05, Saturday 9:00 am - Weight 144-149 lbs (-223 lbs)
First round of reconstructive surgery is only 2 days away!!!!!! Scared
and excited at the same time!!!!

I'll be in Fountain Valley Regional Hospital off of Warner and Hope St
(just off Euclid and the 405 fwy - where Dr. LaPort and Lite Dimensions
work out of :) Surgery starts at 1:30 pm with Thomas T. Nguyen and the
OR is scheduled through 7:30 pm though actual surgery time may go longer
- only time will tell. I'll be having the lower body lift
(circumferential abdominoplasty or belt lipectomy) and breast lift done
as well as a lymph node taken from under one of my arms for biopsy). I
will definitely be in the hospital till Wednesday morning though I am
going to try to push for an extra day if I need it (I've a feeling I
will).

For those who know our phone number, feel free to call! I would love
visitors on Tuesday and then after I return home from the hospital if
anyone is interested. Second round of surgery is scheduled for Feb 12th
at Dr. Nguyen's surgery center which is next to Fountain Valley Regional
and will be for extended brachioplasty and breast implants. Thighs will
be done after I move to PA.

LOTS of hugs to all and I look forward to keeping everyone posted after
I get home!


~~~~~~1/21/05, Friday 12:30 am - Weight ??? (More than -223 lbs)
 
Thank you to EVERYONE who's offered so much support to me and Alan
this past week... It's been a tough week full of pain, excitement, fear,
friendship, love and support, etc...

My first round of reconstructive surgery that took place on Monday, Jan
17th, went as well as could be expected and as of 7pm tonight, I am now
back home. I want so much to journal it all out and share it with you
all, but for right now, I am still on lots of pain meds and needing to
get to sleep.

I've uploaded a bunch of photos that I and others took, and they can be
found at http://picturetrail.com/carolineam in the album titled, "My Reconstructive
Surgery Journey - Round 1".  The password is ps . When
looking at the photos, please keep in mind that there are more than a
few graphic photos documenting excess skin issues, the after effects of
reconstructive surgery, etc.

I look forward to being online and in the groups more and more as time
goes on and the pain subsides. Anyone interested in calling and/or
visiting me here at home, you are more than welcomed to!!!

Love and hugs to all,
Caroline
Lap RNY 5/2/03 - 367/149 (144 was lowest)
Lower Body Lift & Breast Lift 1-17-05 - 149/??? (but suspect about 135)
Brachioplasty (& possible Circumferential Thigh Lift & breast implants)
2-12-05
OH Profile: http://tinyurl.com/bkld
Photos: http://picturetrail.com/carolineam (password is ps )
PostOp Group: http://tinyurl.com/vd38

PlasticSurgery Group: http://tinyurl.com/aroap


~~~~~~1/21/05, Friday 5:00 pm - Weight 147 (More than -223 lbs)
Thank you all sooooo much for your feedback and support! Here it is day
2 at home and I am continuing to do ok though feel very tired. A few
things I've been noting and wonder about:
-- last night was an awful night for me in terms of having severe night
terrors throughout the night. It got to the point that I had to get up
and stay up and give up on sleeping. I used to have severe night terrors
like this every night for over 10 years but they have improved GREATLY
since my WLS in May 2003. But last night, they were back and with a
vengence. Could it be that the Lortab Elixer (sp?) contributes to night
terrors? Any ideas as to what might help me sleep more peacefully?
-- I have 4 drains - 1 at each side of my breasts/back and 1 on each
side of my mons area. The 2 near my breasts hardly have any drainage,
and none of them are leaking around the drains at all (unlike the drain
I had when I had my WLS). Should I just consider lucky and/or as a fast
healer? Or perhaps the drain isn't working as it should?
-- The surgeon has instructed me to keep the binders, dressings, etc. as
is until I see him Monday afternoon at which time I should be able to
start wearing a sports bra and continue to wear the binder over my
tummy. Should I be concerned that I can't check the drains or the
incisions for any signs of infections or other complications?
-- What about compression garments? How long are they worn for and are
they necessary or should the binder and sports bra be sufficient?
-- my tummy and back area is itchy as all heck... I assume this is
normal, but is there anything I can do to relieve the itching?
-- as bad as the pain is, 95% of the time it is nothing compared to what
I'd expected it to be. I can even stand straight if I concentrate
enough... Hmmmm.... Again, did I just luck out or is the worst yet to
come? I am taking Lortab 1 TBSP every 4 hours as needed per my dr's
orders so perhaps it's just the meds keeping all the pain at bay?
-- Now at day 4 following my LBL and breast lift, I can get in and out
of bed (with pain and discomfort but can do it), can stand more or less
straight though with some burning around the incision on my back, can
get on and off the toilet, "push" my abdominal muscles, and even bend a
little (though VERY slowly and carefully), etc. Again, am I just lucky
or perhaps the surgeon didn't tighten my abdominal muscles much? He says
that he did.
-- Looking over the photos that my hubby took of me at day 2 postop, I
am super excited and more ready than ever to get most if not all of the
needed reconstructive surgeries behind me... What remains to be done is
brachioplasty, breast implants (if I opt for them as if my breasts
remain as they are now, I'd prefer not to have implants),
circumferential thigh lift and more work on my buttocks area to continue
to remove excess skin from that area. Feb 12th, I am scheduled for the
brachioplasty and breast implants through my surgeon's surgery center
(outpatient though next to Fountain Valley Regional Hospital). Being
only 4 days post LBL and breast lift, I am really wondering if I
couldn't handle just moving forth with the brachioplasty and thigh lift
(and implants if needed) on Feb 12th and getting the worst over with
(especially before I move to PA in mid March). The surgeon feels that
this would be doable and I will be speaking with him more about this on
Monday when I see him for my postop visit. Any thoughts especially by
those who've gone through brachioplasty and thigh lifts already? I have
a feeling my brachioplasty will go smoothly and with less pain as
compared to what others experience as I only have about 3 to 4 inches of
hanging skin on my arms, but my thighs will be a different story as the
excess skin on them is extreme.
-- For those who've had primarily just skin (and not fat as well)
removed, how long was it before you noticed a difference in your weight
per your scale? So far, I am the exact same weight I was the day of my
PS though now it is with the binders on, drains in, nightgown, etc. on.

Anyone interested in visiting me here at home, please feel free to
email/call me as I am more than open visit my fellow WLS peeps!

All my hugs and love and all that's good!!!


~~~~~~1/25/05, Tuesday 10:00 am - Weight 145 (More than -223 lbs)
Well, here it is day 8 since my first round of reconstructive surgery. I
found out yesterday that it was 5 lbs of excess skin removed (just skin
and no fat as there wasn't/isn't much left anyways).

For those who've asked, for the TT portion of my LBL, I haven't had much
pain to speak of - most of the pain is coming from the incision area on
my back from the LBL. Some parts of my tummy (and especially the front
of my hips) feel very numb as though they were injected with Novocain.
For the TT, it's been by far the easiest of the procedures I underwent
last week Monday, and it's caused the most radical change in appearance
(and function) amongst the various procedures I had done during surgery.

I had 2 of my 4 drains removed yesterday and am feeling so much better
now that they are gone. The sides of my breasts where these drains were
placed were getting very sore. It did hurt having the drains pulled out
(a bad stinging pain), but fortunately the pain only lasted for a few
seconds. I think it hurt more trying to take the tape off that my
surgeon used to put gauze over the remaining drain holes in me... As for
the remaining 2 drains, they will most probably be taken out this Friday
and if not, then by the latest on Monday.

Had you asked me 2 days ago how I was feeling, I was feeling much better
than I could have ever expected to be feeling at only 6 days postop from
a LBL and breast lift. Then, yesterday, I was ok until I got ready to go
to my surgeon's office. Being in bed all week, I hadn't realized how
wiped out from the surgeries I really was/am.

So today until Friday when my next PS appt is, I will be staying here at
home and in bed or in the recliner continuing to recoup. I spoke with
the surgeon about my upcoming 2nd round of surgery (on Feb 12th), and
I'll be having extended brachioplasty and possible breast implants (I am
still waiting to see better the outcome from the mastopexy to determine
if they are really needed) and hopefully my legs done (though he doesn't
feel hopeful that I'll be ready for them so soon after the LBL as there
would be way too much pulling of the skin on my hips/thighs). He feels I
am looking at a minimum of 3 to 4 surgeries for reconstruction and then
another round of 1 or 2 surgeries at about a year postop to take any
remaining excess skin.

Last night, after my surgery appt, Alan and I went to Target and I got a
couple of sports bras that zipper up in the front and a super soft 100%
cotton long sleeve t-shirt to wear under my lower binder (thank you Pat
for this awesome suggestion!). Then, when Alan and I got home, we found
dinner waiting for us at our front door (what an absolute sweetie my
angelette, Patty, was to stop by last night and bring us wonderful food
from her family's restaurant (the Maya of course - yum . After dinner, I
showered (for the first time since surgery), and I am feeling soooooo
much more comfortable now. The itching has improved greatly too -
probably a combination of being clean, the t-shirt under the binder and
2 of the drains being gone.

Thank yous to everyone who's called, visited, emailed, posted, sent me
get-well cards, flowers and stuffed bears, offered information and
advice, etc. I so very much appreciate all the support, and it's what's
been helping me to carry through! Most of all, thank you to my dear
hubby, Alan, who's literally and figuratively been there for me through
thick and thin...

I would sooooooo love visitors, and please feel free to email or call if
you might want to stop by! You might say I'm beginning to go a little
stir crazy here at home... I am dangerous with my camera taking more
photos than one would ever want LOL, so please know that all are
welcomed to come and stop by to say hi In the meantime, new photos will
be posted this morning to my picturetrail! LOL (ugh - like there really
needs to be more? LOL)


1/28/05, Friday 10:00 pm - Weight 147 (More than -223 lbs)
Photos are up of my latest "swimsuit model" pics! LOL Nah, really
though, my photos are up in my picturetrail at
http://picturetrail.com/carolineam (under "My Reconstructive Surgery
Journey" folder) of my 11 days postop from my belt lipectomy (lower body
lift) and breast lift.

I am sooooo excited as this is the first time since I was 18 where I
could come anywhere close to wearing a bikini!!!!

Posted earlier today:
This time 11 days ago, I was undergoing my first round of reconstructive
surgery. So far so good in terms of not having had any complications
outside of some terrible night terrors the first couple of nights at
home. The pain's been pretty intense at times though overall, it's
nothing close to being what I'd feared. I had my first 2 drains taken
out this past Monday (which were from the sides of my breasts and hurt
like h^ll coming out (like a stinging/burning sensation)).

I have an appt with my plastic surgeon in a couple hours, and as much as
I absolutely can't wait to get these 2 remaining drains out (at 5:45 pm),
I am really apprehensive about how painful it may be when they're being
removed. As of yesterday, the drains are causing me to be extremely sore
around the drain areas (mons/pubic area), and every time I cough, sneeze
or get up/down from sitting/laying down, the burning sensation is beyond
intense (sort of like what I'd expect to feel if I were being stung by
1000 bees all at once). Fortunately the pain was very short lived.

I am planning on taking my Lortab elixur with me and taking an extra
dose of it about 20 minutes prior to going in for my appt with my PS,
but other than this, is there anything else that I could do to help deal
with the pain? I know that I will feel so relieved both mentally and
physical pain-wise once the drains are gone.

Hubby and I are planning to go to Victoria's Secret after the appt. so
that I can check out the various styles of bras to see what size I am
now (suspecting a 32 DD or 34 D though this is with swelling still -
surgeon thinks I'll be at most a C once the swelling goes down) and what
style bra will help me look the "fullest". Most of my breast tissue (or
swelling?) is at the sides of my breasts and I have absolutely no
cleavage. I am so so hoping that I can find a bra that will make me look
fuller up front and from the side view as this would "clinch" my
decision not to go for implants.

As for binders and compression garments, the binder is still causing me
a lot of itching even with wearing a t-shirt underneath it (nothing goes
down far enough to completely stop the binder from being in direct
contact with my skin). Any one who's had a LBL and has any
recommendations for a good compression garment?

And tonight's update:
First off, thank you Lori S. for your phone call! I really appreciate
it!

The good news is that one of the drains came out with some
burning/stinging but it wasn't as bad as I'd feared.... The bad news is
that the other one came out, and the pain was worse than all 3 drains
combined..... OMG..... I near died from the pain (or at least killed
Alan's hand by squeezing it so so hard)... Can we say
OOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!!!?????? Thank God the pain was very short lived. I
started swooning right there in the surgeon's office and came close to
passing out, so wound up sitting and waiting for the faint feelings to
pass, and my VS excursion was thwarted.... Oh well..... The GREAT news
is that the drain pulling is done and over with now!!!!! I am feeling
SOOOOOOO much better now that they are gone!!!!!

I soooooo want to know if a VS bra could really help me to have a
normal shape up top with cleavage and all as if so, then I
will forgo implants. If not, then I am still considering having the
implants when I have my arms done in February.

I posted some new photos up in my pictrail and am getting really excited
about my "new" body.... My legs definitely need work and were barely
touched/improved by the LBL and that will be something I will seek if
not in Feb, then soon soon soon after I move to PA once my body is ready
for another round of surgery.

LOTS of hugs and I plan on attending Coastal's meeting this Monday
night. I can't wait to see everyone then...
 

~~~~~~1/30/05, Sunday 3:00 pm - Weight 148 (More than -223 lbs)
Posted to the OH CA message board:
Hi everyone,
When looking at my photos in my picturetrail, specifically the ones in
"My Reconstructive Journey...", please do not print them, save them or
share them with others outside of the board.

If you do show the photos to others outside these boards,
please do let me know about it. I don't share the photos to be gawked at
or for any reason other than to help people who do have major excess
skin issues know that one can still feel good about themselves, that WLS
is worth it despite the excess skin, and that hope is never lost.

Also, for those considering WLS or who are new postops, yes, the excess
skin I have WAS (and still is but to a MUCH lesser extent) unreal. BUT,
I would ABSOLUTELY have WLS again, in a heartbeat, even knowing the
amount of skin I'd be left with...

For those curious, as for the notion that certain forms of exercise and
exercise in general will help one avoid the excess skin, I exercised and
weight trained my entire way down in weight but unfortunately it didn't
stop me from having so much excess skin. If you look at the photos, you
will see that underneath the skin is an extremely toned body. In my
case, it has nothing to do with the amount of muscle I have nor how much
I did or didn't exercise, nor the types of exercise I did. Some people
are more prone to excess skin than others despite the amount of
exercising or toning one does.

Speaking of my own situation, I was never heavy as a kid or teen, and
when I started gaining weight it came on FAST. From age 18 to 19, I
gained almost 100 lbs and then for the next 15 years became super super
morbidly obese (with a BMI of over 61) with several massive yoyo dieting
weight losses and regains (lose 80 gain 100, lose 125 gain 123, lose 60
gain 70, etc. etc.). Also, genetics plays a part in this no doubt. My
dad's mom has never had a weight problem, yet at age 45 she had batwings
that could rival most postops' arms.

Also, please know that I started out HUGE.... My hips were 72" around,
my bra size was a 58H (yes, a 58DDDDD!), my waist was 57", each thigh
was 40", etc. And not only did I start out huge, but I lost 100+% of my
excess weight (going from 367 lbs to 144 lbs - I lost all of what I
weigh now + another 80 lbs!) and lost over 200 inches with my body fat
dropping from 57% to less than 15%. (To give you an idea of just how
much my body has changed my upper arm used to be the same size that my
waist is now...) Part of the reason there was sooooo much excess skin on
me is because I lost ALL of the fat underneath the skin.

If you are like most WLS patients, you are more around 100 to 150 lbs
overweight, not the 225 lbs overweight that I was or more. You also probably
aren't starting out wearing a Women's Plus Size 6X and 7X or a Men's 6X.

And even if you are or even past that, then even MORE reason to get your
weight under control.... You can deal with any skin issues if and when
you cross that bridge. If you look at my other photos (under WLS photos)
you'll see how easy it was/is for me to hide all the skin!

Sure hope this helps and PLEASE, don't let any skin issue discourage you
from getting on a path to health!


21 MONTHS POST-OP, FEBRUARY 2005
 

~~~~~~2/3/05, Thursday 8:30 pm - Weight 151 (More than -223 lbs after swelling is gone)
I am now 2 1/2 weeks postop from my first round of reconstructive
surgery having had a belt lipectomy and breast lift. My second round of
surgery is scheduled for Feb 12th (next Saturday). I will be having
brachioplasty (arm lift) then and have the option of having breast
implants put in.

I am really happy with the breast lift and think my surgeon did a
terrific job on my breasts especially considering what I started with
(my breasts literally hung down past my hip bones). I am wearing a 34D
bra (from a 32/34G) even though I look more like a B. I have a lot of
swelling in my breasts which is mostly in the sides of them and still
absolutely no cleavage whatsoever (I am just skin, muscle and bones up
front). I keep going back and forth as to whether or not I want to get
implants. Given that I'll be having brachioplasty next Sat, it makes
sense that if I am going to have implants, this is the time to get them.

Has anyone had implants and regretted it later? Any one who didn't have
implants (and just a breast lift) who regretted not getting them? Also,
when it comes to saline vs silicone, has anyone had saline and regretted
not getting silicone or vice versa?

Thanks so much for any and all advice!


~~~~~~2/4/05, Friday 12:30 am - Weight 149 (More than -223 lbs)
I went ahead and uploaded some new photos taken the past couple of days
and tonight to my picturetrail found at http://tinyurl.com/6qaa5 . These
might better explain some of my questions rg breast lift only vs lift
with augmentation (see my last post).

Oh, and yup, just to say, I am not looking to be big - just full. When I
was a teen, I was a full C, small D. At my heaviest I was a 58H to 58I,
and right before the breast lift, I was a 32G. I am now wearing a 34D
but that's with LOTS of swelling in my breasts and back (along with
waist, hips, and thighs) and I think the size is needed to collect some
of the excess skin from the sides of my breasts (which hopefully should
be helped by the extended brachioplasty scheduled for next Sat).

Thanks again for any feedback, especially from those who've been there
done that with just breast lift vs breast lift with implants.

Reconstructive Surgery Round One

In bed of white sheets strangled
needled arms body cut
in two halves she lays
past and present

Remembers a little girl
flesh torn false protection
by hands meant to love
defiled shame

Incestuous suffering
she looks back regrets
searches for meaning
body’s neglect

The body as battleground
scars forever remind
a past filled with hurts
And wishes for

“I’m sorry.”

© 2/6/05, Caroline Ann Martin


~~~~~~2/7/05, Monday 2:00 pm - Weight 151 (More than -223 lbs)
I am still recovering well from my belt lipectomy and breast lift done
on January 17th (3 weeks ago today) though I have LOTS of excess
swelling right now (thus the weight increase).

With my next round of PS coming so soon (this Saturday), I am still
needing to decide whether or not I want to move ahead with breast
implants at the same time I have the extended brachioplasty (incisions
will go from elbows to armpits and down along my sides to my bra line).

Saturday, I was pretty certain to go with implants. Now, today, I am
back to questioning whether I want them or not.... I really don't... But
I DO want full normal looking breasts that are sized appropriately for
the rest of my body....

Hmmmm.... A few questions if you or anyone knows the answer to?:

-- After the breast lift, I have full breast and nipple sensation. I am
sooooo happy with this. Could getting implants (saline and under the
muscle) cause me to lose either breast or nipple sensation at this
point?

-- Could getting implants (saline, under the muscle) further prevent me
from future breast feeding? (surgeon told me more likely than not, I
won't be able to breast feed given how much my breasts needed to be
lifted.)

-- Would my cup size increase or just the way I "fill out" the bra cup
improve? I am already wearing a D cup bra (assumed swelling here) and
don't want to go any higher than this.

-- How bad is the pain with breast implants under the muscle?

-- With the extended brachioplasty (the incision going to my bra
line (back band)), will this help rid of the excess skin/breast area
under my arms? Or would this just pull my breasts more to the sides than
they already are? My surgeon says that the implants would help to keep
my breasts more to the front than the sides.

-- I DO want some cleavage up front and not the sides of my breasts
under my arms... Could this be achieved just with a good pushup bra as
compared to getting implants? I am thinking of one of the members of my
inperson support group who had just the breast lift without implants and
she looks awesome... But would I be so lucky????


~~~~~~2/7/05, Monday 3:00 pm - Weight 151 (More than -223 lbs)
Hi Mike and everyone who's responded and/or posted to my surgery support
page rg my birthday being today!!!!!!

Thank you sooooooooooooo much!!!!! What a treat to sign on to my
computer early this afternoon to find all the HB messages!!!! Thank
you!!!!!

Well, as of right now (2:34 pm or 5:34 pm EST), I am 36 years and 32
minutes old! LOL And to celebrate, Alan is out running errands and I am
laying here in bed hoping and praying my new compression garments that
arrived this morning will help rid of some of the swelling in my thighs
and hips that I've been getting since my first round of PS. Oh, and did
I mention the itching???? Ugh.... LOL...

I am not sure what Alan and I are up to for tonight, but it will be just
the two of us - possibly either a couple rented movies or Season 2 of
Friends or, if I can handle it, go to the movie theatre to see Phantom
of the Opera.

The next few weeks are going to be crazy... Tomorrow, I have a dr appt
in the afternoon, and Alan will be at his old job in the am. Hoping to
see a dear friend in the early evening Weds, I have my preop visit rg my
second round of PS and Alan will be at his old job all day and meeting
with his new boss from PA and the job in PA (anyone interested in
joining me Weds for my appt?). Thursday, one of Alan's close friends is
coming by to help us finish all our packing and the sale of our condo
will close. Friday morning, the movers will be here putting all our
belongings onto the moving truck to head to PA, and we will be turning
over our car to its new owner. We will also be taking our kitties to the
vets on Friday for them to get cleared to fly to PA. Saturday (the 12th)
is my 2nd round of PS (it will be through my surgeon's surgery center
next to Fountain Valley Hospital and I most likely will come home
Saturday, if not Sunday morning). Then Sunday, Alan flys to PA (he
starts his new job Monday). I'll have my dad's fiancé, Ellen, here with
me Sat through next Friday morning (the 18th) to help take care of me.
Also sometime between next Tuesday and Thursday, Ellen will help me
bring our 4 kitties to the airport and ship them to PA to be with Alan
who hopefully will have secured a 2 BR appt for us in PA (the house
still is being renovated). On Friday, the 18th, I move out of our condo
here in CA and will be staying with a neighbor and friend who lives in
the same condo complex as we are in for a week or two and then another
good friend for the remaining time I am here in CA.

I feel like I'm running around like a chicken without it's head (though
running is impossible right now LOL) and half the time don't know which
way is up....

So back to how I started, today, I am just looking forward to taking it
easy... I won't have many days to do this much longer!

 
~~~~~~2/9/05, Wednesday 10:00 pm - Weight 151 (More than -223 lbs)
Does anyone know of any sites where they indicate (and explain why) an
extended brachioplasty (elbow to armpit and then down along sides of
breast to the bottom of the breast (incision meets up with bra line)) is
best for those with a lot of excess skin on the sides of their breasts
and back? After lots of thought with a lot of great advise from others,
I did decide to go for implants. I'll be getting 450 to 480 cc saline
implants which will bring me to a full D (I am now a not-full D).

While my surgeon has done a great job so far, there seems to be some
form of communication breakdown that I am not sure where it's coming
from. In my initial consults with him, he assured me that he'd be taking
off about 8 inches of excess skin from my buttocks/back with the belt
lipectomy and that he'd be extending the incision from my brachioplasty
down along my sides to my bra line.

Then, 1/2 hour right before my 1st round of PS, I learned he was only
going to take 2 inches from my buttocks/back area. Then, last week, he
said he would not be doing an extended incision for my arms and would
just do the traditional brachioplasty. Then today, when I explained to
him that I really really want the extended incision to rid of some of
the excess skin on the sides of my breasts and back, he said he would go
a little under the armpits but still not to the bra line.

I am assuming he has his reasons and of course, dr knows best, but he
hasn't explained why he isn't doing what he originally indicated he
would. I am ok with it as long as the end result is ok (and so far so
good), but the breakdown in communication is a bit unsettling. The
office manager at the center has been beyond helpful and supportive, and
she's asked me to forward her any info rg extending the incision to the
bra line so that she can speak with him prior to my 2nd round of
surgeries this Sat.
 

~~~~~~2/10/05, Thursday 1:00 pm - Weight 150 (More than -223 lbs)
I just sent this to Rachel which includes some more details rg my 2nd
round of reconstructive surgery that takes place this Sat:

You know, that's really neat how you put this... about "seeing" an end
result and also not arguing with genius...  I DO need to have more
faith in my surgeon and assume he knows best. So far, he sure hasn't
steered me wrong...

I wound up opting for 450 cc saline implants which sort of scares me as
this is a large implant, but Heather from his office who helped me pick
the implant size assured me that this would only make me much fuller,
not bigger. I can still fit into my 32G bra (though I have 0 cleavage in
it) and my other bras that I've gotten since surgery are all 34D. So I'd
be looking at a full 34D or 32DD.

I am soooooo scared of the pain that is in store for me, but at the same
time, I am SOOOOOO looking forward to having this next round done and
over with!!!!

I go into surgery Sat morning at 7:30 am (have to be there by 7 am) and
should come home that day around 1 pm. I am told that I'll be drugged
pretty well that day but by Sunday afternoon/evening should be up for
visitors. I'll be here in the condo until Friday (one week from today)
and then will be staying with a neighbor in my complex until the end of
the month. Another close WLS'er friend has been super gracious in
offering me a spare bedroom in his home come the end of the month until
I move in mid-March and most likely, that is where I'll be.

Hope everyone has a blast on Sat at the karaoke party!!!! I'll be
dreaming that I am there with all of you!!!! LOL And of course, I can't
wait for the March 5th karaoke party in Whittier at Mary Ann's!!!!

 
~~~~~~Saturday, 2/12/05, 7pm, -223 lbs
Tis me writing tonight. My second round of reconstructive surgery went
well (took about 3 hours) and I got home at about 3 pm. I am in an
incredible amount of pain, but am trying to keep my mind off of it (thus
writing, taking photos, etc.) I am WAY more alert than I'd expected I'd
be. I'll have photos up in my picture trail in just a little bit --
http://picturetrail.com/carolineam and then click on the My
Reconstructive Journey folder.

As for the pain, my arms don't hurt too much (though I can't move the
upper arms at all) but my armpits and below is what is hurting me
sooooooooo.... There is a strong burning sensation and an incredible
amount of soreness under my arms. What I totally wasn't prepared for was
the pain in my chest muscles. My breasts themselves are just sore - sort
of like when having tender breasts with one's period or during
pregnancy, but the chest muscles are super duper duper sore making any
movement of my neck, upper arms, torso, etc. being very hard to do.
Since being home, I've been camped out in my recliner. The moving
company was here most of the day yesterday so the condo is pretty empty.

Alan moves tomorrow morning with 2 of our kitties (Ms Mittens and Miss
Slippers) and then I'll be here with my Dad's fiancé, Ellen, and our
other 2 cats and bird. I'll be here in the condo through Friday and
would just love visitors. Mikey and Leonard are going to be visiting
tomorrow, and anyone interested in joining them is welcome to come!!!
(email me for directions - I am in Lake Forest just across the street
from Saddleback Church).

I expect to be here in CA through mid-March (and can't wait for the
karaoke party at Mary Ann's in Whittier on March 5th (did everyone read
her post yesterday that she has a WLS date? YAY!) and am going to miss
just so so so many people here. The PA boards seem to have super nice
people there, too, but the board is not nearly as active as it is here
(there isn't much in terms of parties, luncheons, events, etc. either -
something I am going to work on changing).

Love you all and am sending all my hugs,

Caroline
Lap RNY 5/2/03
Belt Lipectomy & Breast Lift 1/17/05
Extended Brachioplasty & Breast Implants 2/12/05
Circumferential Thighplasty - most likely sometime this Spring
ObesityHelp Profile: http://tinyurl.com/bkld
More Photos: http://picturetrail.com/carolineam
GastricBypass-PostOp YahooGroup: http://tinyurl.com/vd38


~~~~~~2/13/05 Sunday - day after round 2 of reconstructive surgery
For those wondering if I will continue being active in the CA board once
I move to PA, I absolutely plan to stay around the CA board! As much as
I am looking forward to moving to PA, I am sooooooo not looking forward
to saying inperson goodbyes. March 5th will be a bittersweet day for me
to say the least.

I've been here in CA for almost 8 years (following meeting Alan on the
internet in a poetry message board), and out of all the time I've been
here, it's only been in the last year and a half that I've really
connected to people out here. I am going to miss you and so so soooooo
many people from this board!!!!!! You all get to see me and accept me
for who I am - without all the pretense that I used to hide under...

I'd sure be game to publishing my story with the OH magazine. I figure
that with what we all go through, there should be some benefit from it -
some meaning assigned to the suffering. In sharing the photos and so
much of myself, I know that others have been helped, and this gives
meaning behind my personal struggles.

A lot sure has gone on for me this past month. I found out that
insurance (and Dept of Managed Care) denied all my reconstructive
surgeries with the exception of breast lift and abdominoplasty, I've
undergone 2 rounds of reconstructive surgeries (lower body lift, breast
lift, extended arm lift and breast implants) of which so far has cost
$11,000 out of pocket, Alan moved to PA with 2 of our 4 kitties (this
morning), we sold our condo of which I'll be moving out of this Friday,
etc. etc. It's definitely been a trying month, but somehow, amazingly
enough, things are falling into place.

As for yesterday's round 2 of reconstructive surgery, I am in sooooooo
much pain. It's hard to describe it other than to say that I am praying
for some of the pain to let up and soon. I am going to call my surgeon
first thing in the am to up my appt with him (was planned for Thursday
but I don't want to wait this long).

This Wednesday, there will be a knitting/crochet get-together at my
house beginning at 7pm that Mary Ann is coordinating (Thank you Mary
Ann!!!!!!!). I'd love to see you if you think you might be able to make
it :) And of course, there is the next karaoke party on March 5th (at
Mary Ann's in Whittier) :)


~~~~~~2/14/05 Monday (2 days post 2nd round of reconstructive surgery)
Gosh, I so wish I could say that I am feeling as good as I sound. I sure
don't though. The pain has been unreal :( :( :( It's hard to describe
but the best I can do is to say that the stinging/burning in my armpits
is awful and I can barely move my upper arms. Forget about wiping,
shaking up a protein drink, even opening up a bottle of medication (the
type you have to push down on and turn at the same time). This pain has
been unrelenting. Then there's the pain in my chest muscles. At first it
was hard just taking a deep breath. I can breath better now but
sneezing, coughing, or any type of jerky movement is beyond painful.
Last night one of my kitties ran into the room and totally startled me
making me "jump out of my chair". OMG.... I was screaming -
hyperventilating and all from the pain.

Ellen, dad's fiancé, is here helping to take care of me and she is on
her way to Costco right now to pickup some Soma which my PS prescribed.
Hopefully this will help with some of the muscle pain. As for the
Lortab, it's helping me deal with some of the pain overall, though it
sure isn't ridding it. In just 2 days, I've gone through 1 1/2 sixteen
ounce bottles of it (1/2 of the prescription)! To give you an idea of
how much less the pain from my WLS was, it took me a year to go through
just 1 bottle of the Lortab. And for my LBL and breast lift, it took me
3 1/2 weeks to go through most of it.

This is not to say that I am regretting my decision to have more
surgery. For I know that in the end, I'll look back knowing it was all
worthwhile. But for right now.... Eeks....


~~~~~~2/15/05, Tuesday, 11 pm
Wanting to welcome all group newcomers and those coming out of lurkdom,
as well as wave a big "HI!" to all our group's "regulars"! I soooooo
hope this finds everyone well and keeping warm!!!!!

I am hanging in and still putting one foot in front of the other. Now 3
days postop from my 2nd round of reconstructive surgeries, I am still
dealing with a lot of pain, yet am feeling a little better with each
passing moment. Most of all, I am feeling so hopeful about regaining
what I'd thought was forever lost in terms of a body that functions and
looks good.

I am getting ready to take my first shower since this last surgery, and
thus, tonight will be the first time that I'll get to see what my
reconstructed arms and breasts look like. (I did get a tiny glimpse of
my arms at my surgeon's office this afternoon.) I am going to have my
dad's fiance (who's here through Friday morning helping to take care of
me) take some photos tonight and I promise to post them to my
picturetrail before the night is over (http://picturetrail.com/carolineam).

Tomorrow morning, my other 2 kitties will travel to PA to be with my
hubby. And Friday, I'll be moving out of the condo. I'll be staying with
a friend/neighbor for a week or two, and then will be staying with a
close WLS friend until I move to PA (in mid-March).

Mary Ann (from the OH CA board) has been awesome in pulling together a
group of us SoCal WLS'ers interested in getting together to learn,
teach, and/or do knitting/crocheting. Tomorrow night (Wednesday)
starting at 7pm will be the first gathering. Tomorrow's gathering will
be here at my condo and any and everyone interested in joining us is
welcomed to come! If your interested, please email me and I can send you
directions and more info.

This Friday and again on Monday, I am going to need some help. Friday, I
will need help getting from the condo to my neighbor's along with some
general help in "settling in", and Monday, I will need a ride in the
afternoon getting to my one-week follow up appt with my PS (from Lake
Forest to Fountain Valley). Would anyone have free on either of these
days? Also, Monday night is Coastal's inperson support group meeting,
and perhaps whoever helps me on Monday would be interested in going to
the support group with me and then could drop me back off in Lake Forest
afterward